There’s a point in my life that I’ve reached, where I’m just not happy (unhappy). I’m not talking about my daily moods, I mean the stuff deep down which I’m not 100% sure about.

I’m not saying I’ve got a shit life, my life is actually very good, I feel above average. I already have a stable income in the form of local paper rounds, and a seasonal job. I have a brand new Windows Phone, and the latest iPod touch, a PS3 with the best games available, and my own laptop. I’m at the second best college in the UK, and very happy with where I am in terms of subjects, surrounded by a great group of friends. I suppose what more could you ask for? The life I’m living in theory is great. Although for some reason there is this lack of happiness.

I’d like to share something very close to my heart, something only my closest of friends know.

Almost three years ago, I lost someone. My father. He sadly passed away at the hands of cancer (terminal bowel cancer). 25th July 2010. At that time I was away camping at the Staffordshire County Showground, and that week of camping was honestly an amazing week! My mother was at home on the Sunday (25th), and received the phone call from the hospital in Israel informing her that my father had passed away. 

My mother didn’t call me on the Sunday to tell me the news, instead she waited until I got home. I walked in on the Thursday, after having the week of my life, and she started crying as she saw me, that’s when she told me about my father. The amazing week which I’d just had, was completely forgotten, and nothing seemed important as I broke into tears.

My father continued to live in Israel after my mother and I moved to England at the age of 3, as I grew up he would constantly come over to England for holidays, one of my favourite holidays with him was when he took me to Lake Windemere. When I’d reached the age of 10 and was mature enough to talk on the phone without my mother, I’d have the odd conversation with my father. Often hard due to his slight deafness, so conversation often ended with me shouting so he could hear me, then him shouting back on me. Looking back, I wish my conversations over the telephone could have been longer.

I regret not just calling to tell him that I loved him, at my young age I was oblivious to things such as cancer, although my Mum had gone through cancer and came out fighting and survived, sadly my father couldn’t do the same. 

I suppose this may explain a small bit of my lack of happiness, the lack of a father. 

I’ve made the decision that I want to find happiness, in fact, the last entry on my Bucket List is ‘Be Happy’.

With this choice, I’ve decided to deactivate Facebook, to not use Twitter, to try and sell things such as my much loved PS3 and FIFA, but they cause me more stress than they do happiness.

This also means this will be my final ever post on Tumblr, and on this website. It’s been good while it’s lasted. 

I know this is post is poorly written, but it’s something I just wanted to get out there, so if there’s anything you’d like to ask, please feel free to email me: ariksherman.as@googlemail.com

For the last time

-Arik.